Reality

Oh what a terrible word that is. Reality. If you were to ask me on any day of the week in any week of any year, is I prefer reality over a fairytale, I'd answer fairytale every time. In a fairytale, the good guy always wins. You're ensured of that. Not only are you promised that the good guy wins, but also that the guy gets the girl and vice versa. In reality, we're not so lucky.

I think people began fairy tales in order to provide an escape for those who feel the same about reality as I do. People saw how broken and imperfect the world is so they devised a way to make characters who seem real have extraordinary stories and happy ever afters. In case you didn't notice, all fairy tales end the same way basically, the prince marries the princess and they live "happily ever after." It doesn't show you ten years down the line when prince gets tired of princess and divorces her, or when princess meets handsome foot-soldier and has secret rendezvous with him that the prince knows nothing of. Something like the Notebook, where husband and wife are "taken" together and die next to each other...that's all fine and dandy and tear-jerking, but when has that actually happened? Never. It's closer to reality though. Now take Atonement with Keira Knightly and James McAvoy. Great Movie. Girl and guy know each other since childhood, sparks fly, the "make love" once in a library and then guy is falsely convicted of rape. He goes to prison, then to war, they meet only a couple times again before he dies of disease the day before his army is shipped back home and she drowns as a bomb attack bursts a water main. Much closer to reality then, say Snow White. But then again, who can love someone continuously for years without ever seeing the person? Not many, that's for sure. I suppose people can do it, but it takes a special two people and it's vastly difficult.

Now, look at the English Patient. Amazing movie. Brilliantly directed, acting superior, and storyline wonderfully tragic. A woman is married, meets a different man, falls in love with him, commits adultery on her husband repeatedly, husband finds out, crashes a plane with him and his wife on board, new guy carries badly injured woman for miles across desert in Africa until finally leaving her in a cave while he gets help. He walks for three days until finally finding help only to be locked up for being a German spy. When he finally escapes and returns to the cave, as promised, she's dead. He lives with that knowledge AND a burn that covers his entire body. He's burned so badly that he will never walk again, looks like a raisin, and needs morphine the rest of his life. He lives this way until he convinces a nurse to give him a deadly does of morphine. That's reality. Sad it may be, but it's reality.

I'm like most of you out there, I prefer Disney classics where "guy gets girl the end" is the ending of choice.

Wow...

I've been out of the country for a little while...I was in Jamaica on a mission trip.

At first, I did not want to go at all. I didn't think I was right for it. Being a missionary in a hot, impoverished, third-world country means you need to be rich in patience, like being sweaty and gross, working in teams to finish a task, and like meeting new people. All things I've never been good at.

I have never been good at having patience. Never. I like being clean and...well...not sweaty...I like to work by myself and get things done MY WAY, in an efficient manner, and I'm awkward and slow to meet new people. Not a great resume for being a missionary.

But wow did the people in Jamaica alter my attitude. There's not much I can say other than my attitude towards people, and my attitude towards my situation in life will never be the same.

Down there people have so little, it blew my mind. A family of seven can live in a house that's smaller than my bedroom. Kids who have nothing, including no parents, can be happy with a game of ring toss, consisting of a metal steak in the ground and empty duct tape rings. And women who have been abandoned by their families because of illness, whether it be physical or mental, can be happy with just a smiling face of a "whitie" from America.

One man who went on the trip with my group came to discussion with a story of a man in the infirmary he was talking to. The guy from our group asked this man what he likes to do during the day. The man said "I like to lay down, close my eyes, and listen for airplanes." My friend form the group returned with, "Oh? Are you interested in flying planes?" And the man said, "No, but I think that if I hear a plane it might be an American Friend coming to visit me."

How can one not be moved by that? These people sit in beds that reek of urine and watch the clock tick every single day of their lives, while flies infest their hair. It doesn't matter if you just sit there with them and not say anything. They just long for human touch. It's amazing how content they are with their nothingness.

More to come, but I must step out for a spell.

The Quest for an Explanation of Dreaming

Where does the mind go when we space out in class? Or when we daydream? Do we simply just go to sleep with out eyes open? Surely not, for our minds seem to move too quickly. Maybe we just drift into an alternate universe? No that's far too science fiction. I must say, this question confounds me. I've been thinking about it all day and I can't seem to find a logical answer.

"I think simply think with our subconscious. We begin thinking without really thinking," was the opinion of one of my friends. This doesn't seem like a satisfying answer...I think it leaves too many holes, physically and emotionally.

So what is the answer? I don't know. I suppose my opinion is that we actually enter the vast complexity that is our own subconcious. I think our minbds are so advanced that when we are thinkning with out own wit and conciously thinking about what goes through our minds, we're only accessing a part of the intelect and potential we have in our minds.

I've always wondered why it is that we sometimes forget what we have dreamed about. Maybe it's because we've seen things that are yet to come, or we've dreamt about major questions to life that go unanswered (such as just how far does the universe extend?) that God doesn't want us to know yet. Maybe we've thought thoughts while we dream that are just so advanced that we'd explode if we conciously thought about them!

...well that may be a bit extreme. But fact of the matter is, sub-conciousness and dreams continue to bewilder me.

I once had a dream that I was playing basketball on the moon with Pocahontas. How does that happen? How is that relevant to anything? It has to mean something. What does it mean? Well I have absolutely no idea. Pocahontas playing basketball on the moon...yeah good luck to whoever tries to figure THAT one out.

Another time, I had a dream that my subdivison was trapped by a dome that made it look like we were at the center of the sun, yet it wasn't any hotter than normal. I met a boy named Jeremiah who took me on a walk to the back of the subdivison. In place of all the houses was a forest. As we walked over a small bridge that led to a clearing in which Tumnis from Narnia started chucking daggers at us. ...what? And then a Sweedish Samuri army came to fight him off. Where am I getting this from? I'm not making this up, I swear! I must have had the most creeped out expression on my face as I slept.

The one dream that will ALWAYS stick with me, however, is one I had when I was maybe 8 or 9. I dreamt that robbers broke into my dad's house. They were after me. And instead of fighting for me, like I expected, and like I KNOW he would do in reality, he allowed them to take me. He waved as they carried me off! And right as I screamed, "Daddy" I woke up. Never going to forget that one. It was awful. You know how when you dream something that if you just randomly thought about during the day, it wouldn't seem like that big of a deal, but somehow is magnified and made 100 times worse in your dreams at night? That's what it was like. I woke up thinking, "wow that bothered me a lot more than it should have."

I know it may sound weird, but I have a weird dream EVERY night. I usually remember them, and could probably fill a book with the odd dreams I've had. (and I'm not "on something" I swear it) I don't know why I have the all the time. It's so strange and I want to know why.

I must discover where dreams come from. I must know where I'm getting all of this. I'll figure it out. Hopefully...

Until then, I guess I'll just keep dreaming abnormal dreams and spacing out in class.

Unwelcome

Why do we sometimes enter into situations knowing that, in the moment, it'll be great, but later on it will hurt us? That's a very befuddling question, isn't it. I have been dealing with a certain situation for a year now...it keeps popping back up every time I think I've defeated it. Now, I believe I HAVE defeated this problem.

Everytime this situation has reoccurred, the sudden and unexplained end of this situation has tormented me. It has puzzled me, saddened me, embittered me, and many other things that are pulsating through my mind too quickly for me to type. However,I did an experiment this time when this situation came up...yet again.

My experiment was the following: I conciously entered the situation again, not being able to specify the number of reoccurance it was, being as there have been too many in the past. I observed, remembered, recorded, and saved anything that is reoccuring and also the happenings new. I analyzed them.I analyzed them from a third party observer type viewpoint. This helped me greatly understand what was happening and make an opinion based on what was best for me, not what I wanted. And most importantly, I did whatever was necessary to remain indifferent. I failed and some points and succeeded in others, but ultimately I remaind unattached to this situation.

My experiment worked. Yes, the situation evaporated once again. In the past, this is the time when I'm unhappy, dejected, unapproachable, and aloof. But this time, by maintaining a [mostly] indifferent standpoint, I emerge from the problem unharmed, not caring, and glad that I know I've finally overcome something. I can't even explain to you how happy I am that I never again have to worry about this problem. If it comes back, it will be, for the first time, unwelcome.

The Vast Immaturity of High School Girls

Before I begin my frustrated ranting, I'd like to clear something up. I do not think myself any better than the people I will discuss in this blog. I'm immature as well, just in different aspects. Everyone is immature to one degree or another. But that is an entirely different topic all together.

Girls will torment other girls will stupid, petty problems that will never matter in the real world. They fight over boys, each other, wearing the same dress to a dance, or just bumping into another girl who happens to be on her period and moody.

GIRLS, we are ruining other people's childhoods by being stupid and petty!!! Get off of your high horse and calm down!

No matter how great you think this guy is that you're fighting over, he isn't. I don't care how funny he is, how many sweet text messages he sends you, how many times he holds your hand or tells you you're the only one. If you and your friend even have a chance to fight over him, he isn't forth the conflict!
When I say if you have a chance to fight over him, I mean one of three things. A. He gives you both special attention. This is deceptive and gross. It's borderline cheating. B. He likes only one of you, in which case the other friend has nothing to be mad over. And C. he likes neither one of you, in which case you're both being petty and need to stop.

Another thing we fight over is each other. Nothing is more ridiculous than one girl harassing another girl because the second girl is "stealing" the first girl's best friend. Come on. I think it goes without saying that this scenario is the pettiest thing you have ever heard. Your best friend can't have another best friend? Do we realize that that same concept is what triggered ethnic cleansing??? I mean really, I'm laughing right now thinking about how stupid it is when girls do this.

Again, I'm not saying I'm any better than these girls. Yes, I realize it sounds like it, but I'm mostly just angry that my poor friend, who is very mature for her age, has to deal with this kind of ridiculous behavior.

To the girl harassing my friend, get over yourself or deal with me. I suggest the former. I know my friend won't tell you to back off and leave her alone because she is too nice. I will be happy to step in and take on that responsibility even though maybe I shouldn't.

To the girl that is being "fought over", you really should have remidied this situation from the start by not being a gossip and judgemental. If you had a problem with my friend, you should have come to her.

To my friend, hang in there. I wish I could tell you that girls being petty ends eventually as we age, but from what I've seen and heard of, it doesn't get much better. Instead of "you stole my boyfriend" it turns into "you slept with my husband." Instead of "you stole my best friend" it'll be "you stole my nanny." I'm very sorry this has happened to you. All you can do is learn to choose your friends wisely. You'll always have me, my dear. I'll never do anything to cause you deliberate harm. Love ya! :)

"To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world."

A Big World

With so many souls in the world
How can any be the same?
After a grand count of the population
The idea of similar souls seems rather tame.

I don't know about you
But in my insignificant opinion
I'd rather live in dynamic freedom
Than a monotonous dominion.

A Journey I Didn't Ask For

As the rain smears the ink
On the sorrowful letter in my hands
I'm too dejected to even cry
So I stare down at the sands.

Maybe not the best place to be

On the beach in a rain storm

But what's another risky move

I've never been one to conform

Perhaps that's why I found myself here

In so much trouble with other people

Well, one in particular

The mere thought of him renders me feeble.

I thought that this was my escape

A college far away

But this letter ruined that hope

And now I'll have to stay

My only other option

Is the school that he attends

And now it's four more years

The smiles I'll give must be pretend.

My mother will be proud

She liked this college less

And now they won't allow me in

I wasn't good enough I guess.

Even if I don't see him much on campus

I'll know that he is there

And thats just bad enough

Almost too much nervousness to bear.

But I will have to endure

And be brave and try to ignore

I'm sure that I'll survive

Even if it proves a chore

I'm sure that I'll be fine

And prosper well enough

He'll have to come second to glee

I'll survive; I'm tough

The Answer

A small ray of hope

But no promises pending

I'm not going to get my hopes up

As long as doubt is left contending.

I know I can live with any answer

And survive well enough

No, I'll succeed and conquer

And thrive no matter how tough

I know who to put my faith in

And it's no one here on Earth

The people here are unreliable

The world is ready for rebirth

But before I go all holy

I'll reassure you that I'm not

I'm hardly ever right, you know

I can weave a pretty complex plot

I'm imperfect and flawed

Just like every other human

I lie and cheat and covet

I almost always lack acumen

But now I'm straying from my subject

That I originally began

What I'm trying to say is hard

I won't even pretend I understand

I do not believe in coincidences

Even thought you may think that's strange

I think everything happens for a reason

And everything's subject to change.

I hate not knowing what's ahead

Or what will occur tomorrow

And that's what crazes me most

Anyone have patience I can borrow?

But I must find a way

To calm myself way down

And just trust that in time

We'll find some common ground

For now I'll be content

To wait in anxious composure

Yes I'm aware that's an oxymoron

And that's my attempt at closure

What Does One Do?

What do you do when he contacts you again?

Sending your heart aflutter.

Reminding you of your time together

And rendering you to the gutter.

As you talk to him you think

That maybe there's still a chance

Until he mentions something horrible

That crumples your confident stance.

He gave away something important

Something he can never give back

Something so valuable to a person

Something that pains you to lack.

At one time I thought it belonged to me

Only if a ring adorned my finger

But now any hope of that is completely gone

But still his face will linger.

I know it's stupid, I'm aware,

To think that he's telling the truth

That he's sorry and he cares

Even though he's usually aloof.

But maybe he is being truthful

And he still cares about me.

But I don't know what to think.

I'm left to wonder hopelessly.

I don't want his love back.

At least I don't think I do.

All I want is friendship...

That's what I'm supposed to do.

I'm to say "it's okay, don't worry"

And forgive him again, right?

Or am I to turn my back coldly

And forget him and his painful plight?

My friends tell me the latter

But what if they are wrong?

Could I possibly be passing up

The love I've wanted for so long?

I know I sound redundant

Continuously denying love

But it's true, I swear to you

Now it's just my heart I need to shove.

I must forget these silly worries

And live my day like it's my last

But if it is the last that means

We wouldn't have a chance to have a past.

Oh help me, Lord above

and show me what to do

I want you more than him

I swear these words are true.

Oh what I wouldn't give

To return to our first meeting

And turn and walk away

Make our first encounter fleeting.

There was time we loved each other

I know I did anyway

But I sometimes wonder if he loved me

Should I have kept my feelings at bay?

We don't love each other anymore

To that I do concur

But one thing I want to know

Did he really love her?

By Yours Truly

My Worlds Studies Teacher Asked Us to Write for Five Minutes About Love...This Is What I Came Up With

A strong connection
An emotional infection
A confusing puzzle
An asphyxiating muzzle
A jumble of confusion

An optical illusion

A whirlwind of choices

Good or bad? Depends on the voices

An uncomfortable situation
A web of complication
Of not knowing what to say
How to act, to leave, to stay
A tornado of conflicting messages
Where both parties hold leverages
An unbearably alluring season
A game without a reason
A heart pounding race
A reprehensible disgrace
A ruse-complied plot
The lipstick on the ascot
The rose left torn and tattered
The heart that's left embittered
The eyes that hopelessly capture
The voice that forever enraptures
The indescribable feeling of pain
When longing is all that remains
The haply meeting with smiling faces
Followed by the rendezvous in secret places
The self-control one must withhold
The origami to unfold
The night ravaged with bootless cries
The sentences overthrown with sighs
The hands that ache to touch
The dreams of carefree living crushed
The desire that consumes you
The partner incapable of staying true
The attempts at communication that are futile
The words that seem unfortunately infantile
The desperation for a cure
The motives that are secretly impure
The initials branded on memories
The unavoidable catastrophes
The awkward moments you despise
The exciting glance that sends you to the skies
The fate of average love seeming inevitable
The ending relationships most probable
Interrupted by reality
The gloomy state you're in flees
You realize that yes, I'm right beside you
Things to remember, only two
The frights and thrills of love are true
And lastly, I love you.

By Yours Truly

Decisions That May Affect the Rest of my High School Career...Oh Dear...

Today is a wonderful day. The weather is nice, my classes have been fun and interesting, I'm wearing something very comfortable, and I have the best of friends possible. I'm very excited for the weekend, however. I'm just in a wonderful mood. I love wonderful moods.

When I'm in a bad mood, my entire day is ruined. I'm angry, frustrated, or sad and that not only effects my behavior but also those around me. If I am in a bad mood, there is a good chance I'll ruin the mood of everyone else by the way I talk to them, act in front of them, or just my general disposition and unwillingness to laugh and enjoy life. But also, if I have a bad day, it will most ikely affect several more days after that while I'm dealing with the aftermath of my poor behavior and bad word choices. In any respect, bad moods are wretched.

In a sort of related topic...there is a certain matter that seems to take on a rather bipolar nature in my current life. I have two decisions. One, seems like the right course of action on some days, and the other makes more sense on opposite days. I'm just confused. These issues don't necessarily take on a concept form but rather a human one. Well...human ones. There are two different people in my web of friends that represent two different crowds. The ideal solution would be to fuse these two "cliques" together, but the nature of the people within them represent two different moods within myself that do not and cannot survive together. It's like the Pauli Exclusion Principle. No two electrons of the same nature can occupy the same orbital course. There I go with my nerdiness.

Anyway, one circle of friends is more well behaved. However, I feel less like I must try to be a part of the group. The second is a little edgier, but I feel less judged if I make a mistake than when I surround myself with the other group. I wouldn't do the things the second group indulges in, but simply being around it could influence me or get me into serious, irreversable trouble. I'm not sure...these two people, I love them both. They both are amazing individuals. Around the person from the first group, I can be myself with this person. I can laugh with this person and I have a lot in common with this person. However, sometimes this person can seem aloof...this I do not like about them. Perhaps I simply do not know them well enough to know why this happens and maybe that contributes to why I feel like there are certain things I can't talk to them about. Or maybe that's just a normal thing...that you can't talk about EVERYTHING with a certain person at the point in a friendship this person and I am at. If that makes any sense...probably not. I'm a very confusing person.

The second person, this person is also amazing. I can be my nerdy self with him as well and not feel like I have to hide the fact that I like astronomy and I'm a complete comic book nerd, like the first person. This person, UNLIKE the first, is never aloof. But the problem is, sometimes this person is so involved in my life and so interested in my life that sometimes I just want to tell them to BACK OFF! It's like sometimes they are so interested that they become nosey and annoying. I can't talk to this person about EVERYTHING either. That's my fault not either persons' fault. I'll admit, I have trust issues. I just don't know which person is best suited for me.

I desperately wish I could fuse both circles. But the two are so different and so unique and so "exclusive" that this task is seemingly impossible. I don't believe I can do it within the two more years I am provided for high school. Yes, it's that difficult.

*sits in computer chair and thinks hard for...38 minutes.*

I suppose it just comes down to who I find myself most happy around...and I believe I've made that decision.

All Fall Short

How far has humanity fallen? It's taken quite a nose dive in morality, manners, and so many other areas that used to be such a big deal.



In relationships for example have changed dramatically. Relationships used to be so innocent. Now everything is out in the open. Few if no boundaries are set people go through significant others faster than ever in history. Not that I'm one to brag, I'm most definitely NOT perfect in the least. I've made far too many mistakes to count.

The fact that I can walk down the hallways at my school and hear more profanities than I could count on both of my hands makes me sad. Probably the greatest reason I'm sad for this, is that I contribute to it. Many, many people today would say profanity isn't a very big deal, that they're just words, but that's the same as me saying, "Oh, it's only one drink," that leads to a drinking binge. The tongue is that hardest human attribute to tame. Becuase speaking comes so naturally and is something we use every minute of every day for our entire lives, we get into a habbit of just opening our mouths and letting our thoughts spew out. Now, that sounds awfully condemning and I apologize to those offended. But when I think about myself and the way I speak and carry myself, I'm ashamed.

From this moment on I shall endeavor to do better and improve myself. Only by improving myself can I improve the world and help others.

I don't want to sound arrogant or sound as though I'm perched atop my high horse, I'm simply so sick of myself and so appalled at my behavior recently that I'm making an effort to change. It will not be easy that is for sure...but I will try.

Some very adorable lyrics for my readers:

If I was a sailor I'd sail the seven seas
To tell you, "Baby, I don't want you to leave."
You see the world is such a sad place and
Without your pretty face
I'm sure it's gonna end up much worse.

And I know that you'll see someday that I can't live without you.
And I know what I say is true cuz I'm so stuck on you girl

I'm in love! from the first time I let my eyes on you
I sure do do do do do now
There's nothing I can do
I'm in love for the first time I let my lips on yours
Now you're walking out my door
and there's nothing I can do.

I'm in love with you.

"Simple Enough"- Nevershoutnever

Sand and Sea

I am in Florida. Sand, sun, surf, and sea. As I walk down the beach, as the pure white sand squishes between my toes, I see more than a million footprints. What i think about when I see them is that each set of footprints is a life...a life, a person, a soul.

Each set of footprints represents a person who breathes just like you do. A person with feelings and a mind just like you and me. That just blows my mind. I think about myself so much that when I see all those other footprints of people who are like me, I feel massive amounts of shame. Shame that I simply won't ever completely fix. It's impossible to never think about yourself, yet I feel such regret that I do. I wish I could think about myself so much less.

Another thing I've noticed about myself is my obssession with money. I'm not one of those people who is like "i need money i need money i need money." No, I'm the person who so rarely has money, so when I do, I'm selfish with it. I don't want to buy anything because I have money and that's such a rare thing! I don't know...just some things that I've been aware of and that are weighing on me.

But Florida is simply amazing. The air is warm and not humid in the least. The ocean is cool and soothing to close your eyes and listen to. The palm trees are green and exquisite. The sand is warm and white and vastly abundant. However, the jellyfish the wash up on the shore...kinda gross.

I'm here with my friend. She is very awesome. She's always up for anything and fun to be around. I'm so excited to be here :) I do not want to leave. But at the same time, I miss my friends and family at home. Love you all very much :)

Mater Dei

I wonder if people realize that you can never change a person. You yourself can never change a person no matter how hard you try. Sure, you can influence them and have an impact on the change they make, but you can never actually change someone.

Sometimes I wish adults knew that when they speak to me.

Yes I know they are just trying to influence me, but shoving their philosophy down my throat is not influencing me in a good way. If anything it influences me in a bad way. I just want to shout at them, "You telling me I'm an awful person and I can only change if I do things your way doesn't help! You're a bad person just as much as I'm a bad person."

When you say you believe one thing and live out your life differently, it has a bad effect on people. They see the hypocrisy in your life and wonder why in the world they would want to be like you. The only effective way to influence other people is to stress the fact that you're imperfect. We all are, so why pretend otherwise? It's enraging!

The other day I was at breakfast with my mother and sister at a Denny's. As we were paying, I saw a very unhappy-looking famaily. There was a mother, a father, three boys, and a girl. The mother looked tired, drained, and annoyeed. The kids looked oblivious to the mother and looked in fear at the father. And the father looked angry, unsatisfied and aloof. On the back of the father's shirt, I saw written, "I am the Devil's advocate. I am the ambassador for sin. The world bows to me and the people tremble at the sound of my voice."

The blunt teenager inside of me wants to scream at him "How lame!" Honestly? You live in a random suburb, you're middle-aged, you're slightly obese and you have four kids! How completely self-absorbed and immature must one be to even give that kind of shirt a second glance in the satan-obssessed store he bought that in.

I've noticed something that scares me to my inner being. These kinds of people are the people who continue to breed, breed, breed. The satanic, the "utterly holy" people who are crazy religious, and the idle people who do nothing and expect to leave an impact on history. These are the kinds of people who breed the most. This guy has four kids. A man I know and his wife have one and they're very lovely and smart and nice people.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, if there is no source of redemption in this horrible, messy, selfish world...

We're all screwed.

I Just...I Don't Even Know

I haven't written in a while. I'm never sure of what to write about now. The words just haven't been with me lately. I'm not sure what's been my problem lately. I've been focused on other things. I'm starting to worry about the future and relilgion and political stances and things like that.

Maybe I'm just trying to figure out who I am...

Hmmm...

Writer's block could not be more frustrating. I sit down bwith the intent of typing out some amazing, intelligent piece of writing and...nothing. How can on'es mind have absolutely nothing in it? That can't be true. There must be something going on in everyone's mind. I'm not sure if I'm making sense...but I guess the point of a blog is to make sense of the things in your mind.

Perhaps the reason I don't have a lot on my mind is because I feel no need to worry about anything at the moment. Which would be a first to be sure. I'm constantly worrying. I find that women are always worrying about something. Whether it's the report they have due in two days, the boyfriend who's losing interest, the crush who HAS NO interest, they children that haven't cleaned their room in four weeks, or the boss that keeps hastling them to turn in their data. Whatever it is, women are always worrying. Of course I can't say I have an absolute idea of how the male mind works, but I'm almost positive men don't worry as often as women.

That's another thing, all my friends that are girls have guy problems. If a girl says she doesn't have guy problems, she's lying. 99% of the time. But most of my girl friends come to me with their guy problems claiming that I completely and utterly "get guys". I'm here to confess, even though I would love to posses such knowledge, that that's not true. I hardly understand guys at all. There are certain things that I know simply because I have far too many guy friends, but I will not reveal my knowlegde for free. It costs a face-to-face conversation. But for those of my friends who think I know everything about the male population, I regret to tell you that is false.

I just realized that I began this blog having absolutely nothing to say. My mind is annoyingly inquisitive. I think my downfall will be that I am not inquisitive in class. I'm an extremely average student. I have two A's, and only one class is a core class, and that's because we're in a unit we learned last year. I'm not a great and insanely intelligent student. I just have lots of questions about people, places, and things.

All of what I know I've learned from other people. I think I gained my interest in the human mind, and how it works from my mom. She had her Ph.D. and studied psychology for God knows how long. She's most definitely the best role model a teenage girl could ask for. She's flawed, yes, but so are we all. I think the world, and espeically those know-it-all bosses of hers, have a lot to learn from my mother.

One thing I wonder about, is why some people are born so charming and smooth, and others just aren't. Is charm an inherited trait? Is it learned? I'd very much like to know. I'm a pretty awkward person when it comes to being charming. I don't try at all...which is probably where I've gone wrong. I find myself very content to just be me. That's probably horribly annoying to many people, and I probably should care what people think and not just say whatever I think when asked my opinion. Perhaps when others ask for my opinion on a matter I should hold my tongue, dial down the crazy, opinionated sarcasm, or simply warning that the following words escaping my lips may offend.

Well, whatever happens, however I behave, and whatever my mind ponders, I guess everything will play out the way it's supposed to. I wish I could say I hope all my questions in life get answered, but I simply have too many questions.

Cats the talk, smoking caterpillars, angry queens, and a worrisome rabbit

I had the oddest dream last night...and yes I realize that I am a nerd.
Well I watched the cartoon version of Alice in Wonderland because I want to go see the live action one soon and I was just in an Alice in Wonderland mood. But my dream was that I was alice. Only there was something different about Wonderland...instead of the whimsical, capricious world the Alice visits filled with strange cats that talk, smoking caterpillars, angry queens, and a worrisome rabbit, it was my version of a perfect world.

But oddly enough my dream world is a lot like Alice's. A world where the unpredictable, unimaginable and faniciful become the norm would be absolutely wonderful. Everyone seems to think that Alice was either mentally challenged or "hopped up on acid" but if you think about it, a world like Alice's is a lot more exciting and enjoyable. I'll admit, when the Red Queen wants to decapitate Alice, that wouldn't be so fun, but most of the most is quite oddly desirable.

Yes yes yes I know I'm a nerd and probably no one agrees with me, but that was my dream. I thought I'd share it with my readers. Anyone else have odd dreams?


"Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it" -The Duchess from "Alice in Wonderland"

"When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew."

Those of you who know me in depth know that I absolutely adore Shakespeare. Maybe to some of you this is news, but today I found myself being constantly reminded of that horrible, confusing, maddening, mind-boggling, wonderful thing called love. I'm not sure why...but I just constantly found myself thinking about it. No, I was not thinking of a certain male or anything, but just of love in general. I find that many of my peers have very immature views on love, not that mine are any better. I think I know what I should feel about love, but I think sometimes, most of the time, I stray from that knowledge. One thing I also found odd is that for every incident today, I thought of a Shakespearian quote.

"Love sought is good, but love unsought is better."
My friends are always preying upon those unfortunate souls within our group that are single. Not in a bad way, but in the sense that they are always finding the single ones dates or "fixing them up." My friend whom I act with was set up on a blind date by her friend. Her friend and her boyfriend would accompany them on a double date. Well, long story short, the blind date and my friend both got the numbers of the seating hostess and the waitor.

"They do not love that do not show their love."
I do agree with Shakespeare on this one. However, I also believe there are limits to what they call "PDAs" or public displays of affection. I happen to have two friends who have been dating for almost two years. That is very sweet, yes, but the fact that they are constantly all over each other in public, AND the fact that they have completely withdrawn from all of their friends, completely engulfed in each other, is simply nauseating. I would be lying if I said it didn't actually enfuriate me. What happens if they break up? they will no longer have any friends. I fear that the point will come when they stay together BECAUSE they don't have anyone else.

"The course of love did never run smooth."
Ah yes. Very true indeed. My friend has a problem with this. God love her, she has the right intensions, but something always ends up ripping her relationships apart. She dones't know what she's doing wrong. I don't mean to sound bid-headed, but I usually have good advice for people. This girl however, I can't come to a diagnosis. I maintain that it's not her fault...but why is she so unlucky in her choices of guys?


"Love comforteth like sunshine after rain."
I have a friend in my youth group who recently had a death in the family. A close relative...very beloved indeed. That is an awful thing. That was several months ago. She has been getting better and she has recently begun to date her best guy friend. He was with her and there for her through the whole experience. How sweet, loyal, and patient he was to be there. I guess they just fell in love.

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind. Therefore the winged Cupid is painted blind."
I must admit I feel blind sometimes. With all these stories my friends have, some happy some not, I feel as though I cannot figure this complex love out. Yes, I'm aware no one has yet, not even Shakespeare. But there are times when I think it's simple and I've got it figured out and then something happens that completely changes my mind. I think of all my friends, I am the most screwed up. I believe it is me who has the most problems...Maybe I'm just completely ridiculous and immature in my views on love, or maybe that's just it. Maybe I should just be content with not knowing what it is or how to find it. That's very scary though...to not know what to look for and then when you think you find it, theres always that voice in your mind that says "what if this isn't real?" Maybe when I DO find love that voice won't be there...or maybe that's juts my immaturity sinking through...maybe I just need to get over those thoughts and go with the flow anyway...maybe it's even Satan? Who knows! I know I don't. I hope I figure it out...

If not, I guess that's just the way it's supposed to be.

I do have one last question though...was shakespeare really this knowledgable about love or was he just making this stuff up as he went along to torture poor, curious minds like mine???

My Best Friend, Chester Cheeto, and Global Warming

Indeed I do realize that it is 11:38 at night and I have school in the morning, but things have been whirling around in my mind all night and I do not think I can sleep without putting them into writing.

Friends are amazing. One in particular that i could not survive high school without. Her and I have practically become one person, as we were talking about earlier. A simple phone call that was supposed to only last a few minutes turned into 53 minutes of chattering and complaining and laughing. This is the friend that I can always count on to help me out or just listen to my selfish, dramatic, stupid venting. And I do the same for her. A night that was supposed to just be us hanging out and maybe watching a movie can turn into a midnight run to wal mart to buy plain white shoes or v necks so we can draw and paint on them. (yes that has actually happened several times). We go to each other because we know the other will understand and listen and give advice without getting angry, upset, or judgmental. And if someone talks bad about the other in front of one of us, God help that unfortunate gossiper. I love that crazy, spunky, quirky, loud, hilarious girl to death. You know who you are :)

Another thing that has been on my mind is a quote I saw as I was perusing my facebook page. One of my friends that I actually don't talk to hardly ever has a picture that has a quote on it that says this: "A friend will buy you a pregnancy test, but a best friend will be standing outside the bathroom saying name it after me!!!"

and I found myself saying, "ummmm no, a best friend will be saying why the H*#@!% didn't you use a condom!"

Just a random thought I figured I'd share. For some reason that quote really bothered me.

One of my good friends (not the one I spoke about in the second paragraph, but a good good friend I would be extremely sad to see go) and I were talking. I saw a sign after taking a drink f a water fountain that said, "This fountain is to be used only for drinking". and I thought to myself, "what else has this fountain been used for?!" and that got us talking about how I should just spring for a water bottle and I told her I spent my last dollar on cheetos. For some reason that actually frightens me is we then found ourselves talking about what snack food character we would want to marry. She thought chester cheeto would be a good one. I disagreed saying his ego got in the way of his charm. I always liked Mr. Peanut. You know, the spiffy peanut in the tux and top hat. But apparently he's gay (as Phoebe from "Friends" would say). We came to an agreement that Gumby would be an ideal choice. This is the kind of things my friends and I talk about...wow.

On a deeper level (HA), In astronomy today we learned about the atmosphere and what it's comprised of. I learned something that scares me quite a bit. If the atmosphere rises 5 degrees in temperature, Antarctica will begin to melt. That could flood every single coastal city! How extremely horrifying and unnerving is that?! New York City alone has about 8.3 million people by itself! All those people will have to move farther inland. Have you any idea how crowded our nation and other nations will be if every coastal city floods?!

Not only that, but surely not everyone will escape the horrors of drowning. I can only imagine how horrific it would be. The island nations in central America may very well disappear. How many lives will perish as a result of global warming....millions. And this is expected to occur within our lifetimes!!! I can only imagine...

It left me making plans to build another Noah's Ark.

Stephenie Meyer...Apparently One Mythical Creature Simply Isn't Enough For You

Ah Twilight. The interesting book series that turned into a disgusting obsession. I actually enjoy the movies, but the way girls today have completely idolized the books and movies is simply revolting. I knew a couple girls who had friends that dumped their boyfriends because they weren't like Edward. Revolting.

Don't get me wrong, a man like Edward would be exceptionally great... without the whole blood-sucking thing. He is sweet, affectionate, protective, mysterious, and, of course, very attractive. Those are good qualities correct? Now just subtract the blood-sucking and the whole I am going to grow old and you won't thing and he's a great guy to have around. For some odd reason...the idea of him wanting to kill you but resisting the almost irresistible temptation to is beautiful in a very creepy way. It's like Sweeney Todd. I love it, yet I can't come to figure out why...

I do wish that Bella wasn't portrayed as a weak, frail girl though. Now I know she's a human against vampires...that's very scary and yes, I would feel weak and frail against them too, but if you're throwing vampires and ware wolves together, It doesn't seem like such a stretch for Bella to kick some vampire butt too. I don't see why Edward and Jacob get to have all the fun. Plus in the second book, she goes through this adrenaline junky thing so she could see Edward again. What a stupid individual. Like honestly? We're gonna throw ourselves off of a cliff? That's awesome. Sounds like a plan to me. That was ridiculous. I would have enjoyed the movie much more if Bella hadn't turned into an IDIOT!

That's another thing I don't like. I was fine with the vampires but did we have to throw ware wolves in there? Again, don't get me wrong, Taylor Lautner makes an EXTREMELY attractive ware wolf and I'm not complaining that he had to spend the majority of the movie with his shirt off, but vampires PLUS ware wolves seems a bit extreme. I think Twilight turned into too much of a soap opra as the series continued. I could be perfectly happy with just the first two.

One moment I will always remember from New Moon was when Bella is doing that dumb adrenaline junky thing and riding the motorcycle and crashes into a rock. The part I'm going to remember is when Jacob rides over and takes off his shirt to wipe away the blood. That is a little strange and a little gross, but it shows that he did whatever he had to do to help her. Screw Edward! I'd go for Jacob. I'm sorry but when he got angry at the kid they went to the movie with, that was just endearing and attractive. Judge me if you wish, but that's my thoughts on the matter.

But all in all, Twilight has been grossly overstated. If I have to hear "What do you mean you aren't in love with Edward?!" one more time I'm going to throttle someone.

Sweeney Todd however...HOW CAN YOU NOT BE IN LOVE WITH ANTONY?!

;)

I feel you, Johanna,
I feel you.
I was half convinced I'd waken,
Satisfied enough to dream you.
Happily I was mistaken,
Johanna.
I'll steal you, Johanna,
I'll steal you.

I'll steal you, Johanna,
I'll steal you.
Do they think that walls could hide you?
Even now, I'm at your window.
I am in the dark beside you,
Buried sweetly in your yellow hair!
I feel you, Johanna,
And one day I'll steal you!
Til I'm with you then,
I'm with you there,
Sweetly buried in your yellow hair

-Antony from Sweeny Todd

Come on, Pockets!

Wow...long day. I am so exhausted right now and I will most likely have to wash my hair three times in order to remove the excessive amount of hairspray from my hair. Well...that's theatre for ya! I actually do not mind having to do the removal and re-application of mounds of makeup, hairspray and mic tape goo. I absolutely love the theatre. Even the two hour early call before the curtain goes up and the stomach-wrenching, mind-taunting, terrifying nerves. It just all fits me perfectly.

I am happy to say that not one person missed a cue tonight. There happens to be a certain person in the cast, who will remain unnamed of course, who frequently forgets to come on stage when he is supposed to. If this happened once, twice, or even three times I would understand, but every single run-through we have done for this play he has missed at least three cues. Yes, I do exaggerate often, but this time I am completely serious. And yes, it is very frustrating but I'm surprising myself by how patient I am being. Usually, I would have gone off on him a couple times already. I know my good friend who has claimed the dressing room mirror next to mine has gone off on him a few times.

This girl is brash, impatient, and strong-willed, but she is the most interesting, endearing, hilarious person I think I have ever met. She's funny in the sense of she doesn't care what people think about her and she's very quirky. She wants to be a linguist when she graduates and moves on with her life, so sometimes when she's angry, frustrated, or surprised she will break out into random phrases in either German, French, or Russian. We have very similar opinions about pretty much everything. I simply love her.

The dressing room is one of my favorite things about my school's productions. The friendships and bonds you make with the actors and tech crew are long-lasting and touch if not impossible to break. The girls who act in almost every show and know the green room and costume shop and stage backwards and forwards (like me and the girl next to me), have mirrors they always sit at. That may sound like we're "divas" but we just always happen to claim those same mirrors. We're always early for call to help the director or to get our hair, makeup, and costuming done so we can help the other girls who maybe haven't done shows before with their things when they show up so it just happens that way.

The main tech manager who runs the lighting we call Pockets. He always has pants and shirts with so many pockets!!! He is so funny though. He's the one who is kind of scary because of his size and disposition when you first meet him, but he's just a big 'ol teddy bear. He always gets mad when the girls write their names/character's names on the mirror in lipstick, but we always do it anyway. He says it's hard to get off but seriously...one swoop of a wet paper towel and it comes off. Come on, Pockets.

All in all, the theatre experience in my school is amazing and always leaves you with interesting stories.

However, if you're the sort of person who is offended easily by being ordered around by experienced actors and actresses and techies, the theatre is not for you.

Scariest Thought in a High School Student's Mind: COLLEGE

Ever since I started this blog, all my friends have decided to make blogs too. Ha...started a trend I suppose. Well, today starts tech week for the play I'm in. For those of my readers who do not know what tech week is, tech week is the week right before the show when you're at the theatre pretty much every spare second you have doing run-throughs and dress rehearsals.

I must say that Tech Rehearsals are the worst. Tech rehearsals are the rehearsals mainly for the tech crew. They do lighting, curtains, set pieces, all that jazz, and the actors only show up those days to be the techies' actor dummies. The tech crew and directors move the actors around on stage to see what lighting best fits the scene. Lovely.

I do enjoy theatre quite a lot however. Being able to slip into the mind, personality, and attire of a completely different person for a little bit is exciting. You get to express emotions and react to certain things differently than you might react, yourself. Some of my goals in life are the following: to play Mrs. Lovett in a stage production of Sweeny Todd, direct a show, write, star in, and direct a show, stage manage for a show, direct a movie, star in a moive, write a movie, and so many other things. Acting is a major part of my life thus far. I have a feeling it will always be a passion I have. I hope i get to accompish some, if not (and probably not) all of my goals.

I've recently begun to seriously think about college. Where to go, how to prepare, the ACT, SAT, etc...the college that both of my parents went to has an excellent theatre program as well as a top-knotch psych program which are the two areas in which I'd be most interested. Plus, i'd get to be a legend in my mom's sorority. That's odd to think about...I never pictured myself as a sorority girl...but I'm almost exactly like my mother and she was president two (basically three) years running. I guess I should give it a try. Sounds like fun...except the idea of pledging scares me half to death. You watch movies like Sydney White (which actually wasn't awful) and that movie with hilary swank where the head haunchos of the sorority plegde and judge the girls so hard that one of them dies trying to complete a task, and it makes one wonder if the pain of pledging is even worth it.

College, I'm sure, will be fun...It's probably the planning and the first month or so that's the hardest and scariest. Most of my friend's haven't even thought about it yet...but then I sit back and I think to myself, "college is two years away...that's not that far from now..." and thats when the sweaty palms, fidgiting, and hyperventilating comes into play...

I do know one thing however...I do not want to stay in my hometown for college...uh uh. Nope. Last, very last, option. If I have to stay here for college...God help me and whoever gets on my list. JUST KIDDING! If I have to stay here for college, I suppose it won't be the end of the world or the end of my sanity. But probably pretty close.

Amadeus

I attended church this morning in a very groggy mood. I didn't get much sleep last night so I must admit, staying in bed all this morning sounded pretty good to me. However, like my family expects of me, I dragged myself out of my warm, comfy bed and made ready myself for another cold, rainy day.

The church service, I found when I arrived, was not one I would have wanted to miss. First of all, there was a giant screen on the stage, which is not usually there so I figured this service would not be like any others. Second, we took the offering at the beginning. Very odd and different from the standard routine at my church. And then when my pastor stood up, he began talking about movies he enjoyed and showed the congregation clips from several movies that stuck out to them. The categories for the movies were odd though...He chose clips from the following movies and T.V. series: Apollo 13, The Killing Fields, Green Mile, Up, and Amadeus.

Two clips were from the older 90s mini series Apollo 13 with Tom Hanks. May pastor loves Tom Hanks. The one from those two that really stuck out to me was a clip of one of the training sessions the astronauts had to go through in order to learn what moon rocks were the rocks they needed to bring back. The teacher or whatever was talking about origins or rocks and how the mountains in california came to be. There was a granite rock on top of a peak they stood on, but one of the astronauts noticed that there wasn't any granite around. The teacher took them to a place lower on the mountain where a bunch of granite could be found and it was amazing to hear about how things come to be. One of the only times in my life when science as amazed me instead or bored me.

The other one I found really great was a clip from Amadeus. The movie is about Mozart and his conflict with another composer named Salieri who just completely envied Mozart. When he was an old man, Salieri attempted suicide and the clip is when he's being interviewed by a person in an insane asylum about why he tried to kill himself. Salieri has a flashback of when Mozart's wife came to him with original compositions of music that didn't have any corrections or anything. It was perfect as it was to begin with. And Salieri says it was utterly miraculous and perfect and amazing. Mozart's wife takes that as a good thing, but when she asks for Salieri's help in publishing them, he drops them on the floor, walks over them, and goes to the other room and burns a small crucifix that was hanging on his wall. An image that has been burned into my mind was at the end of the clip, Salieri in the insane asylum tells his story and he was angry and spitting about how envious he was and how Mozart was his enemy and God was his enemy for not giving him the same incredible ability as Mozart, but then, after he finishes his nasty threats and promises of vengence and destruction of Mozart, he sits back. When he sits back, he smiles. This wasn't a "oh i'm just kidding" smile or even an evil glare/smirk. No, this smile was the smile of one so enveloped and engulfed with jealousy and hatred that it had corroded the mind and had driven one to insanity. A smile of...maybe unawareness of the depth of the action he tried to commit and the condemning nature of his words. Just...a smile.

Needless to say...I must see the whole movie.

"Some Days, You Gotta Dance"

On days like today, I utterly hate everything I do. I'm testy, irritable, and judgmental. I hate myself when I'm like this. School just got out...longest day of my life.

I wrote a short script for a Courtwarming assembly that just briefly describes my school's winter play and it was supposed to be really cool, but we couldn't play the background music so the whole thing kind of tanked....that is the only reason I went to school today. I was feeling very sick this morning with a major sinus headache. But once I remembered the assembly I dragged myself out of bed and barely changed my apparel before heading off to the dreaded building called school. That started me off on a sour note.

But just a few moments ago I decided to change my horrid attitude. In an hour or so, I am meeting my friends Sarah and Shawn and possibly Charlie. I simply refuse to be in a bad mood. The sinus cold will simply have to wait. When people are in a bad mood, it completely changes the atmosphere around them in a negative way. I don't want to be the person who negatively changes my surroundings. It's not fair to me, or my friends.

But anyway...the thought currently on my mind is neither intellectual or interesting to quite possibly most of my readers. Why don't they make a panda animal cracker??? My favorite animal is a panda bear and not only am I outraged that they are going extinct because of those horrible, hell-bound panda poachers, but also they are very often forgotten about. I mean those people at the Nabisco place should really consider broadening their horizons on the animals they "deem" worthy for cracker imitations. Simply unfair if you ask me.

And so I leave you with some more wonderful song lyrics:

 One eye on the clock
And one on the phone
It's 5:19....
I'm feeling alone
If I could talk to you
I'd want you to know
I'm holding loose
But ain't letting go

"5:19" by Matt Wetrz

Let's Walk As Slow As We Possibly Can

Wow...just wrote the most frustrating World Studies paragraph of my life. My teacher is very nice though, she helped me with my cited items in the paper. SO difficult.

Anyway...my thought for the day is, "Why do people walk so horribly slow?"

Honestly, it is so hard to just walk at my pace? Everyone needs walk as fast as I do and I'll be happy. Everyone who deosnt walk as fast as I do needs to get over themselves, get a clue, and follow my example.

Do you see how selfish that is? I found myself completely exhasborated in the hallway this morning because I was the lucky late person who got stuck behind the people who walk as slow as a snail. But truly, this isn't something I should complain about. I shouldn't have been late in the first place and they don't know I'm in a rush. Most of the time, they don't know I'm even behind them.

Once I stopped and thought about it, I actually envy the carefree disposition those people seem to have. If I had that, perhaps I wouldn't have been rushed in the first place.

Everything will work out the way it is supposed to...late for class or not.

Yes, I Am Very Sick of the Topic of Abortion.

Pretty much everyone has their own opinion about abortion. You don't find many people who aren't completely sure how they feel. Some people abhor even the mention of the word. Others are very liberal about the idea. I'm not saying one is right over the other because in the end, it's not really my decision. It's up to God what's ultimately right or wrong.
This is my opinion:

I disagree with anyone who says it's okay to get an abortion. I believe it is basically murder. the fetus is alive from the time the sperm and egg join (gross I know). So if I ever got pregnant as a teenager, or at any age for that matter, I would not get an abortion. And if, God please forbid, I was ever raped and accidentally got pregant, I still would not get an abortion. I believe everything happens for a reason, which is a long blog in and of itself. So I won't go to the topic of coincidences. Bottom line, I do not agree with abortion.

However, I feel it is not my decision and therefore I am undecided about whether I am pro-choice or pro-life.

Another thing I am unsure about is my political tastes. My mother is a loyal democrat, and my father leans to republican all the time. When a split exists in a family like that, a child can get confused. My parents are divored, so I never get a full debate at one time. That being said, I tend to agree more with my mother. That also being said, my mother voted for Obama this past election. My father, of course voted for McCain. I wanted to vote for Hilary. HA! Just kidding!!! I really didn't care for any of the candidates on this last election. Honestly, I wouldn't have voted this last round. My main problem with Obama was he was for partial birth abortions. Absolutely not.

That brings us back to abortion. I kind of drifted from my original topic. You must excuse my spastic thoughts. Partial birth abortion, in my specific opinion, is not okay in the least. The baby is already living. As Juno MacGuff would say, "It has fingernails!" And sucking the brains from a baby whose mother, A. didn't do this sooner when it's less catastrophic and B. is killing the baby in the first place, simply shouldn't have had unprotected sex in the first place.
To those mothers who DID use a condom and still managed to get pregnant, you really should have made up you mind sooner.

But now my ranting is finished. And the title I gave this blog IS true. I am very tired of this topic. If anyone would like to comment and either yell at me via comment or debate me, feel free. My mind is not closed to other opinions.

I wish to leave my readers on a happy note. So here are some lyrics from a song that I absolutely adore:

"I will not take my love away.
When praises cease and seasons change.
The whole world turns the other way.
I will not take my love away.

I will give you what you need.
In plenty or in poverty.
Forever, always, look to me.
And I will give you what you need.

I will not take my love away."

-"I will not take my love away" by Matt Wertz

I love my readers :) all five you you!!!!

What happened to John Doe?

May I just begin by saying I thoroughly enjoy how often I space out in World Studies Class. This time when my mind wondered off, I actually stayed on topic relatively. We were again researching our African tribe we were assigned and as I read I kept thinking about the lives of these people.

I read about the patriarchal society the Lunda tribe has and my mind invented a scenario. The website mentioned something about how beating one's wife was not unheard of. That is a sad thing, yet people in their society saw that as normal. Here in the U.S. such a thing is awful and seen as completely unacceptable. Think about if you were put in such a place. No one cared if your spouse came home and punched you in the face every night. No one cared if he held you down and had intercourse with you against your will. No one cared if died.

It just hit me that there are SO MANY people who have been born, lived, and died without anyone knowing about it. When I say anyone I mean the rest of the world. Of course people in their community knew them. I mean think about it. A living, breathing person who has feelings, senses, and a working mind has lived a whole lifetime and never made a single, important impact on life itself. That happens a lot.

Me, I want to make a difference.

Another Cinematic Adventure (as Dane Cook would say)

Me and my dear friend went to see the box office hit Avatar today. As the main character decides that the most important thing for him to do is to save the blue, alienesque creatures of the planet Pandora, I was sitting there wondering, "Well this is only maybe a year out of this man's life. What is his story? Where did it go from there? And what are the stories of the poor souls who were blown up in the final battle between the aliens and the army or the one who were killed by the aliens' poisoned arrows? Who thinks of an intricate plot such as this? Does a place like Pandora actually exist and we simply haven't discovered it yet? And what kind of sick, twisted marine mates with a ten foot tall blue alien creature???"

These questions are probably very ridiculous. I was probably the only ridiculous individual who asked themselves these questions instead of simply enjoying another cinematic masterpiece in a comfortable, yet rather squeaky theater chair. But truly, you cannot tell me you have never watched a movie and asked yourself these kinds of farcical questions.

Honestly though, when I stepped outside into the freezing February night air to grab the mail out of the mailbox, I looked up at the stars and tried to make out Orion or Cassiopea or taurus, trying to put to use the information I'm getting from Astronomy Class. But instead I found myself wondering if there was such a place as Pandora, if there were creatures who communicated, functioned, and thought just like I do. As big as the universe is, there must be something out there. Something we haven't found or haven't noticed.

Now I realize I probably have very very few readers, but to those of you who DO read this random, spastic, pensive blog, I leave you with a question or two. Or three.

What if there was a Pandora?

Would we live long enough to see Americans become the bad guys to a peaceful, functional civilization?

Have we lived that long already?

rocky, mimi, and reid

yep...it is 3 in the morning and i am going to blog. I created this blog in the middle of World Studies class. We were supposed to be researching African tribes but i didnt really feel like doing as much. So i created a blog.

this blog is going to be about my friends rocky, mimi, and reid who are all over hanging out. We promised rocky's mom we wouldnt stay up late...guess that went out the window. We definitely have play rehearsal in a few hours...well a few more than a few hours.

I had six coffees today...thats a lot of freaking coffee. Just started the crashing faze. we just watched maybe ten different youtube videos. Everyone should check out FND films on youtube sometime. very very funny. we've been quoting dane cook, family guy, and all that jazz. sooooooo tired.

well...we're gonna go fork someone's yard. probably gonna fork the hot guy down the street's yard. YES good idea on my part. spell out my name and number in forks. i am very smart.

Stay tuned!!!

BYE

Introduction!

Well hello and welcome my blog. Stay tuned for more blogs!